It's not vitameatavegamin... it's Rob&JessInAWorkoutRegimen!

Alarm went off at 6:40 AM.  A bit later than usual, but I just had to go into the office today so my time travels were much less and could afford a little extra shut eye.  I peaked one eye open and said “I can’t roll over.”  Rob perked right up and hopped into the shower.

Just so you know, Robert never “perks right up and hops into the shower.”  NEVER.  This was bizarre.  I personally snoozed my alarm.  It went off again… I snoozed it again, but felt slightly guilty since Rob was already in the shower.  I’m usually out of the shower before he gets in.

Okay.. break.  What did we do yesterday (Monday)?  Why would it cause Jessica to not be able to roll over?? Well... Robert and I started a new workout regimen.  And when I say regimen, I mean REGIMEN!  We are doing it hard core for thirty days.  If we start seeing results, we will do it hard core again for another 60 days.  Monday was our first day.  And you have to do it for 6 days straight with only one day of rest.  Each workout ranges between 30 and 45 minutes long and we watch a video & do what the guy does.  Or well, sort of do what the guy does.  Because well, we aren’t very advanced.  I might not even say we were beginners…. Can you be a beginner, beginner??

Anyways, all our stuff came in the mail on Monday.  I came home and read the instructions to make sure what we were about to do wasn’t like going to kill me.  I cooked up some left over spaghetti and then we warmed up… you know, bend over and stretch.  We got the guts to put in the video for our “Fitness Test.”  YES, day 1 was only a 30 minute fitness test.

I’m pretty sure we failed.  And Rob just as bad as me.  Ok, me a little a bit worse if I’m honest.  We did these 8 different tests and had to record our scores.  I could barely get through the part that just warms you up so that you can stretch.  But, in all fairness we did complete it all.  Just a bit slower than the guy on the video.  But ya know, FORM over SPEED.  Which is what Shaun T, my video instructor says.

You know, I can’t actually do a pushup.  I discovered this during one of our “skills test.”  I can barely do a girl push up.  And this guy wanted us to do a push up jacks!  If you know what those are, great.. if not, thank God that you don’t.  I stuck to my girl push ups only.  Maybe by the end of the 30 days I’ll have built enough strength to do an actual push up.  If I can do one push up jack, I’ll consider this course a complete success.

And as a doubly whammy... there are people behind the instructor doing all of this too.  They are sweating, but can still smile!  Both have the 6-pack abs, great legs, and awesome arms.  After every test, the instructor was like "well Kendra, how many did have before?" Kendra said, "32."  Instructor: "and what did you get this time?"  Kendra: "46" [emphasize big extra smile here].   When Kendra could do 46 I was usually around 15-20.  And when she was discussing her results I was taking large swigs of water and wiping the sweat from my face.  I hate Kendra.  Plus, Kendra did all of this w/ her hair down and it still looked nice and neat when she finished.  Me: I have sweat dripping into my eyes, my hair is also sweaty not to mention frizzy, and my face is beat red.  Did I mention I hate Kendra?

But, baby… YOU.COULD.FEEL.THE.BURN.  I could tell in about 15 minutes I was going to hurt.  Not too mention Rob and I were hilarious.  I’m sure the neighbors that live below us loved having us jump around for 30 minutes.  And, I will say… I was a better jumper than Rob.  When he went up, he came down…hard.  Doesn’t know how to land lightly.  I’m going to thank gymnastics and volleyball for that skill.

Anyways, after it was all said and done with.. we stretched some more.  Because, let’s not kid yourself… when you are as out of shape as I am, you need double the stretching time to somewhat alleviate the pain.  And of course, about 8 Advil’s a day.  But no harm, no foul.  We headed off into bed where I knew it was going to be bad later.  I just didn’t know how bad:

Around 1 AM in the morning, I was having this dream where I was kind of performing an inventory count (yeah, so I dream about work all the time), but I was counting the number of times I could lift my arms up in this warehouse.    And my arms were like weights.  When I lifted the above my head, they clanked.  And this kept going on and on.  I’m serious.. this was actually a dream.  Finally, I just got worn out in my dream, but my arms wouldn’t start clanking.  I somehow managed to wake up and pry one eye open and suddenly realized the clanking wasn’t in my dreams… it was the DISHWASHER!!  (Why is that more & more of my stories are starting to involve my dishwasher…. Robert……).  Rob clearly hadn’t put the dishes in the proper places as they were banging around like crazy.  So, I listened to that for about 20 minutes b/c I was too sore to even get out of bed at 1 AM.  I did fall asleep again, which leads me back to the very beginning of this blog….

Rob perked up and hopped into the shower well before I was even able to throw my legs on the floor and sit in a sitting position.  He takes the fastest show I have ever seen him take.. might go down in the record books… and leaves me astounded.  Why was he in such a chipper mood even though he has to be almost as sore as I am (for my sake, I’m pretending he is as sore as me)??  He wanted to make eggs!  And he did make eggs.. brought me a plate full of scrambled eggs and a piece of toast.  He made some for himself too… this wasn’t just for me ladies.  But he says, “we need our protein!”  And he does all this as he has no care in the world.  Me, I’m cursing at every step I take and wonder how I’m going to lift my arms to the steering wheel so I can just drive my car to work.  I hate him, I swear (jk!).  I guess my chocolate poptarts in the morning don’t live up to our new workout regimen.

(You know, I really like the word regimen… for some reason it reminds me of the I Love Lucy episode about the vitameatavegamin)

We each get to work and I promptly send him an e-mail saying, “hit hurts to breathe.”  And you know.. this was only after the FITNESS TEST.  We had to do Day 2 tonight!!!  I mentally prepared myself all day.  I made it through the day, but by the end of the day when I was walking to my car I’m pretty sure I looked like an 80 year-old grandma who can barely stand up.  Walked slowly too.

I came home from work to find out that Rob had bought two bags of Whey Protein powder.  God, what is up his love of protein??!?  I’m trying to get the pounds off and he’s eating 60 grams of protein in one drink!!!  I could kill him.  He’s so freaking happy about this working out.  My muscles are screaming at me (oh wait, what muscle?).

Never fear ladies & gents, I did do day two w/ Rob.  It was plyometric cardio circuit this time for a solid 40 minutes.  And if it’s possible, I may be even sorer than the day before!!!  And it’s only 10 PM.  Tomorrow is not going to be good, I can already tell.  Wait… tomorrow’s disk says “Cardio Recovery.”  YES… Recovery sounds good, right??????

More is sure to come about our exercise regimen… and if it doesn’t, then you can probably assume we (or most likely I) gave up.  But I’m going to try really hard not to.